We get a lot of emails from you people. Our inboxes are full of all kinds of garbage, and no, not just the "How can I make my penis bigger by buying your discounted OEM software while making more money" emails, although there are still quite a lot of those. A small percentage of y'all aren't dumbasses, and some emails do in fact contain good questions which deserve an honest to goodness real reply, but most of them are stupid questions, or at the very least extremely redundant. However, we do get tired of hitting the 'delete' key all day every day, so in the effort to save ourselves a few keystrokes, we have developed this nifty FAQ page. So here we go. Read 'em and weep. Live and learn. Drag an drop.

"I have a question or problem with my subscription. Who do I talk to about this?"

Contact Jonathan Hay for all questions regarding subscriptions or problems with subscriptions or merchandise orders. Jonathan is currently available only via email at the moment, so go to the contact page for a link to his email.

"I am an avid skateboarder and I really love your product. Can I have some free stickers and a catalog?"

No. We don't have catalogs, we have magazines. And those cost money, so if you want one of those then you have to send us $5 for a single issue, or more if you live halfway around the world. See the merchandise page for more details, champ.

"Will you sponsor me?"

No. Magazines don't sponsor people, companies that make skateboards or shoes or clothes sponsor people. Pester them, not us.

"Will you sponsor my contest/concert/art show/pony party?"

If by sponsor, you mean financial support, then most definitely not. If you mean send you a banner you can display at your bowl jam, then we probably would, but we don't have any banners because they cost lots of money to make. If you mean send you some magazines, stickers and maybe some shirts, then the answer is still probably not, although you should contact us with the details of your event and we will consider it. If you don't hear from us in a reasonable amount of time then you can assume we've deleted your email and the answer is no.

"Did you get the CD from my band/label that I sent you recently? And if so, what do you think of it?"

No, send it again. Actually, chances are that we maybe probably got your CD, but unless it was something that we specifically asked for or were anticipating, then it got put in the Big Stack of CDs with all the other albums that we get inundated with every month. It would be unreasonable to immediately sit down and listen to every album that comes in, so we only listen to the stuff in the Big Stack once every three months. So sit tight and wait for the next issue to come out, but if you really want to make sure that we got it, send it again, twice.

"I'm a pretty rad skater. Can I have an interview?"

No. As a general rule we don't interview people who ask. The more you don't care, the more we're gonna be into it. A more realistic scenario is that you can email us some sample jpegs in the hope that we decide to run one in a random skate page. See the contact page, bro.

"I'm in a band and we think we're The Next Big Thing. Will you give us an interview?"

See the above question, except substitute "sample jpegs" for "CDs." And after that don't call us, we'll call you.

"Will you review my video/DVD?"

Maybe. See our contact page and get that shit in the mail.

"I live in the middle of nowhere, and my local mall skateshop doesn't carry Concussion. Where can I get a copy of your magazine or DVD?"

From our fake online store.

"I'm fresh out of high school/college and looking for a job as a photographer/writer. Are are you hiring? Can I send you my resume and some samples of my work?"

No, we're not hiring. No, you shouldn't waste your time sending us your resume. We don't "hire" because we don't get "paid." This is more a labor of love than a business. If you want some exposure and the chance to get published, then feel free to email us some writing samples or jpegs of your photography.

"I'm fresh out of high school/college and looking for a summer internship. Can I send you my resume and some samples of my work?"

No. If we had a real live office then we might reconsider, but we don't really want you coming to our homes to do work, you might steal stuff or make our girlfriends jealous, since we only like to hire cute, female interns.

"Will you come take photos of the contest or demo happening in my town?"

No.

"Do you want to trade banner ads with my website?"

No.

"Will you add my website to your links page?"

No.

Why are you guys so mean?

Because we're grumpy, old and bitter.